


Erik Scissorhands

by Morgana_Ehran



Category: X-Men: First Class - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Erik is a hairdresser, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing, alternative universe, no powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_Ehran/pseuds/Morgana_Ehran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik is a hairdresser and Charles is his client. No need to labour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erik Scissorhands

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea came up when me and my roommate played Life (which we bought because of this fic http://archiveofourown.org/works/229717). Since we were only two playing it we decided to play for two fictional characters in addition (Alex and Erik). When we were supposed to chose a profession for them - by accident - Erik ended up as hairdresser which we found very funny. And the idea didn't let me be so I had to write it down.
> 
> Thanks to my beta-reader, Charlio! (http://charlio4444.livejournal.com/)

"No way. If you think _you_ can dress yourself for _my_ graduation, you’re terribly wrong,“ Raven informed him in a voice that allowed no resistance.

"But Raven, I’m perfectly capable of…“

"…dressing myself, I know. But dressing in what? No way. We’re going shopping – I’ll decide what you’ll wear. It’s my day, after all,“ she decided and Charles could only sigh resignedly.

"Fine. If you insist,“ he shrugged.

"And I’m making you an appointment at the hairdresser’s,“ she murmured, raking his hair thoughtfully, "it's grown quite lot and you look rather… bohemian. Too bohemian to look good.“

"I haven’t noticed,“ Charles murmured and ran his hand through his hair instinctively.

"Of course,“ Raven commented sarcastically. „Really, you’re so caught up in your work, that I sometimes worry you won’t notice your own death.“

"I’m sure you’ll be there to remind me,“ Charles made a face. Sometimes he envied his only-child friends.

X

Just like that Charles found himself sitting in a rather large salon. Though it was for men, it didn’t strike him as particularly manly. But it was Raven who picked it so it had to be good. Charles hoped he wouldn't look too hipster when he left. To be true, he was rather worried. He had never been in a salon like this before. And he was sure he knew why.  
He pulled out a book to read while waiting for his turn. So he didn’t notice when a rather tall and broad-shouldered figure had appeared in front of him. Then there was hoarse coughing that sent a chill down Charles‘ spine. He looked up to find a rather menacing looking man standing in front of him. He looked like someone out of a Second World War documentary film. Like someone from the wrong side of a battlefront.

"You’re Xavier?“ he asked in a deep, cold voice. Charles couldn’t decide if it was more arousing or frightening. It was probably equal.

"Um, yes, that's me,“ he stuttered.

"I’m Lehnsherr. I’ll be taking care of you today. Hello,“ the Nazi-look-alike said in not too pleased a tone. Charles couldn’t help but swallow emptily. Oh good God. Now he was more than worried about the state he’ll be leaving in.

"Er, good afternoon,“ Charles retorted lamely not sure what to reply.

"Follow me,“ Lehnsherr rather ordered him than anything else, and Charles was forced to leave his book on the sofa he was sitting on and follow the hairdresser to the sinks. Lehnsherr made him sit in a chair and threw a cape around him and then placed a towel over his shoulders. Charles wasn’t really sure if he wanted to consign him his head since the man looked capable of breaking a neck with one arm pulled behind his back, but he decided to be brave about it. Sure he couldn’t be dangerous if he was working in the place like this…

And then there was lukewarm water and long, skilful fingers on his skull and oh, that was nice. Very nice indeed. Charles had to grit his teeth, and tried not to think about how glorious it felt. And what those smart fingers could do elsewhere on his body.

"So what do you want me to do?“ hairdresser asked and startled Charles without really trying. Charles must’ve looked confused – he hoped he didn’t flush – because the guy elaborated:

"With your hair.“ Charles was quite certain there was amusement in his voice. He was wondering if he could read his thoughts or if he was simply obvious. It would be better if it was the latter. 

"Well, make it presentable?“ Charles blurted out. He heard a snort from above him. 

"No shit. Any special occasion?“ Lehnsherr asked indifferently.

"Yes, my sister is having her graduation and she said she won’t let me come if I don’t do anything with myself. My appearance, I mean,“ Charles started to babble.

"I guessed,“ Lehnsherr grinned but Charles couldn’t see that.

"Is it that bad?“ he asked.

"Yeah,“ the hairdresser answered mercilessly. Charles cringed. He didn’t expect such amount of sincerity. "But you’re not a lost case.“

"Um, thank you?“

"You’re welcome,“ Lehnsherr snorted again and stopped the water. Then he started to rub Charles’s skull with the towel. Charles bit his lip to stop himself from making any embarassing noises. It was really some time since he got laid. He decided to debate about it later. Now Lehnsherr lead him to one of the chairs in front of a mirror. 

"Any ideas? Though I wouldn’t recommend it,“ Lehnsherr commented.

"You wouldn’t recommend what?“ Charles frowned.

"To use your ideas,“ Lehnsherr spoke his mind without any hesitation. Charles gaped at him in disbelief.

"What? I thought we agreed you have no taste whatsoever,“ Lehnsherr added and shrugged.

"Are you always this rude to your clients?“ Charles asked instead.

"It depends. But you’re almost begging to be teased. Metaphorically speaking, of course,“ Lehnsherr smirked and fetched his tooth-comb and scissors.

"Your clients must be masochistic,“ Charles wanted to shake his head but Lehnsherr stilled it. He had to admit, he was enjoying their sarcastic exchange too. A little. A little too much. 

"I wondered about it myself. But as far as I know, most of them are gay and they come back because of my looks,“ Lehnsherr stated as a mere fact. Charles couldn’t really disagree. 

"Not because of your skills?“ Charles rised an eyebrow teasingly. Hairdresser grinned at his reflection.

"That too.“ Then he raked his fingers through his hair and lightly took hold of a few strands and started to cut it. It felt more arousing than it should be. Charles was grateful that the cape around his torso was long enough to cover his crotch. 

"Anyway,“ Charles blurted just to focus on anything else, „that was a rather offensive statement.“

"What exactly?“ Lehnsherr asked. He didn’t seem very conversational but it was part of his job, right? He couldn’t possibly be angry if his client wanted to chat.

"That statement about gays. You made it sound like they are shallow people,“ Charles explained because he didn’t really like any sorts of discrimination. Although it didn’t surprise him that this guy was offensive.

"It might’ve sounded like that but I didn’t mean it that way. I’m not a hypocrite,“ Lehnsherr murmured. Charles became alerted by last sentence. Did he mean…

"What? Don’t look so surprised. Just because I don’t look or behave stereotypically…“ Lehnsherr scowled. 

"Well, you’re a hairdresser so there is some stereotype,“ Charles teased him, getting a chuckle out of him. 

"Point taken,“ Lehnsherr admitted and focused more on Charles’s hair again. 

"You know, I never gave you permission to force your ideas on my hair,“ Charles tried to hold on conversation.

"If you’ve got any self-preservation, you would,“ Lehnsherr assured him. 

"That’s not fair, you can’t judge my taste just by one occasion,“ Charles protested. He tried, he really did. He didn’t even wear a cardigan today. 

"I can,“ Lehnsherr said as it didn’t need more defence.

"Do you even realise how rude you are?“ Charles couldn’t help but comment. 

"And you seem determined to remind me all the time,“ Lehnsherr pointed out. "Maybe you like it.“

_God help me, I do,_ Charles thought silently. "I’m not planning to join your fanclub.“

Lehnsherr chuckled at that. "No, I don’t expect you to. You wouldn’t fit in.“

"Why do you think so?“ Charles arched an eyebrow.

"Well… you don’t seem either gay nor masochistic,“ Lehnsherr dared to say. _And yet I’m both,_ Charles thought almost bitterly.

"What a compliment,“ Charles commented ironically. "Though I’ll have you know you read me wrong.“

It was time for Lehnsherr to look surprised. 

"Oh well, scratch the masochistic part, please. That’s not really my cup of tea,“ Charles cringed. Willy-nilly he remembered one unfortunate time after gay parade party four years ago when he got so drunk he didn’t remember anything. Unfortunately, the other guy saved it on his camera. Though Charles had to admit some slight dominance could be exciting but a real Dom/Sub thing wasn’t really appealing. "What? I’m not stereotypical either.“

"You’re certainly not. You look more like The Graduate type,“ Lehnsherr informed.

"What? Like I seduce mothers of my potential girlfriends?“ Charles had to laugh. 

"I can’t help it, it’s the jacket,“ Lehnsherr pointed out. 

"It looks perfectly normal,“ Charles frowned. 

"Maybe it did in the sixties,“ Lehnsherr snorted. He was still quite busy with Charles’s hair and Charles wasn’t able to decipher what it would look like after he’s finished. 

"Vintage is modern,“ Charles tried to argument. 

"Only thing that gets better after forty years is wine,“ Erik grumbled. 

"And whisky,“ Charles added and Lehnsherr smiled in agreement. "What’s your name?“

"Why?“ 

"So when I’m going to tell my children horror stories I won’t have to call you ,Scissors Monster‘. Though, wait, that could work,“ Charles said sarcastically, hoping to humour the hairdresser enough to give in. And he laughed actually.

"You can call me ‚Erik Scissorhands‘. In your stories, of course,“ he answered eventually.

"Erik, then,“ Charles grinned.

"Although I hope you won’t have any children,“ Erik added with his own smirk.

"Now, that wasn’t nice,“ Charles scowled but broke in grin anyway. He really enjoyed talking to this guy. It was refreshing. Most people didn’t like sarcasm. 

"Get used to it,“ Erik shrugged and turned his chair so they were face to face now. He started immediately to work on his front hair, forcing Charles to shut his eyes. It felt awkward. There were Erik’s expert hands brushing his front and he could practically feel his figure leaning above him. Charles was being shallow himself but he wanted desperately to get this guy’s phone number. And then get into his bed. Not necessarily in that order. 

Then he felt his chair was turned again and he opened his eyes just in time to see, Erik pulled out a hair dryer though his hair was almost dry. But Erik turned it on even so. After two or three minutes he switched it off and put something gooey in Charles’s hair to style it. 

"I look like I just got out of bed,“ Charles commented dryly though he had to admit he looked good. Somehow. 

"Shut up. Your sister will thank me,“ Erik retorted and went to wash his hands. Afterwards he took the towel and cape from Charles’s shoulders. 

"I hope you two will never meet,“ Charles said to himself, but Erik smirked too. When he started for the counter, Charles had to follow him. During that short walk he tried to think of a way to ask Erik out, though he didn't know if Erik will agree. Hell, he didn’t know if he was single. Which didn’t seem like an option considering his looks. But than again his sarcasm could be repelling. Well, it probably was. 

"That’ll be twenty dollars,“ Erik informed him while he got his wallet.

Charles’s thoughts crashed a bit. He gave Erik the money and said rather lamely: "Well, thank you.“

"No problem,“ Erik replied with amused smile. 

"Umm… well, it was nice to meet you,“ Charles tried to hold on the conversation longer.

"Likewise. Sorry, I’d like to chat some more, but my next client has already arrived,“ Erik said rather sardonically.

"Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to detain,“ Charles said and he felt his built-up courage leaving definitely. 

"It’s quite alright,“ Erik smirked. Charles coughed and was about to say his good-bye when Erik added still smirking: "You won’t ask, right?“

"What?“ Charles asked all perplex.

"Here’s my bussiness card,“ Erik thrusted a small, white card in Charles hand. "There’s my private number on the back.“ 

"Oh,“ Charles said in surprise and smiled widely then. "Thank you.“

"Now go,“ Erik waved him off.

"See you soon,“ Charles promised him, grinning and stowing the card in his wallet. 

"Xavier?“ Erik called after him when he was already back to him.

"Yeah?“ he looked around his shoulder.

"If you don’t call, Scissors Monster will come after you.“


End file.
